Dear Doctor,
After the tremendous feedback on last week’s column on the basics of the
excellent office visit, I was reminded of a lesson I have learned and relearned
many times – sweating the fundamentals makes a major difference, in sports,
entertainment, and chiropractic practice.
Another key foundational element that is often overlooked is the development of
quality relationships – for example, doctor-patient, doctor-staff, and
staff-patient, each with its own nuances and rewards.
Dr. Bob Hoffman frequently says that there are really only two reasons why your
patients leave you -- you didn’t love them enough, or you weren’t lovable enough
to them. Simplistic as it may seem, this is the bottom line of relationship – to
be loving and lovable, by the definition of your relationship mate.
Wait a minute, you may be thinking – don’t I get to just be myself? Why is it
important that I show up loving and lovable, won’t people just take me for who
and what I am?
Well, in a word, no, at least not usually. You of course have the right to be
and do anything you want, but the first key to building great relationships is
to be available to the person you’re creating the relationship with. If you
don’t find a way to enter someone’s world with respect, rendering you likable,
then you may never get the chance to demonstrate the benefits of initiating such
a relationship.
The finesse of generating rapport, coupled with the ability to arrive at a
commonality of values, produces the kind of gratifying long-term relationships
that every practice desires and thrives on. Doctors and staff, examine the way
you connect with each other, with your patients, and with your significant
other. What are some of the characteristics of your closer, more satisfying
relationships? Success leaves clues, so pay attention and notice what makes your
key relationships work.
This may not seem very sexy, but like studying the ideal office visit, it gives
you insights into the process of making your practice and your life function the
way you want them to. For example, it has been observed that people who are like
each other tend to like each other – so if you want to feel a stronger bond with
someone, be enough like them so they can sense it. Spot details like word
choice, behavioral mannerisms, even facial expressions and postural tendencies,
and reflect whatever you calibrate back to the other by matching and mirroring.
You’ll be amazed at the palpable connection.
Once you refine your skill to cause ease and comfort, you can ask good questions
to elicit the other’s worldview, so you can identify and exploit similarities to
strengthen the bonding. When a doctor and patient come together around shared
values, the relationship deepens, and likewise with doctors and staff – a common
vision, purpose and mission sets the stage for pooling resources and amplifying
the power of each to tap into a mastermind that is more potent than any of the
participants individually.
Though these ideas may seem mundane and obvious, relationship making, tending
and mending is essential to almost everything you do. Focus on making great
relationships with those around you – it will pave the way for a more effective,
less stressful practice and a happier and more fulfilling lifestyle.
Dr. Dennis Perman,
for The Masters Circle
PS Our next seminar, “Master the Game of Life,” is all about relationships --
co-sponsored by Life University, August 14-16 in Washington DC, it features Guy
Riekeman at his best and special guest presenter Richard Flint -- please call
800-451-4514, or go to
www.themasterscircle.com. Good stuff!
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